Dali Lama Google+ post sums up my parenting/relationship philosophy

Dalai Lama - 5:31 AM - Public
"When we are angry we are blind to reality. Anger may bring us a temporary burst of energy, but that energy is blind and it blocks the part of our brain that distinguishes right from wrong. To deal with our problems, we need to be practical and realistic. If we are to be realistic, we need to use our human intelligence properly, which means we need a calm mind."

While I taught young children for a decade I learned that an even voice, short & clear commands (never ask when disciplining), and always following through on ultimatums worked way better than yelling at them. I realized that I did not have to get stressed out or angry at anything, especially when you acknowledge that the kids are doing exactly what a typical 3 year old knows how to do. It's nothing personal, it's developmental. My job was to teach them direct and indirect action/consequence relationships, self-control, conflict resolution, and life skills. A calm mind let me figure out how to teach these things to 15 kids, each one unique and therefore needing various and changing approaches at a multitude of levels (all at the same time!). Very young children are not an altruistic beings. A conscience is developed over time. Altruism is learned (or not) through lots of repetition and can create, over years of guidance, a decent human being. I treasure creativity, personality, and joy. When there is harmony these things can flourish. Now add instruction on reading, writing, science, and citizenship while doing all of the above and you see my path was either to a very calm, analytical mind or insanity!

Now that I have custody over only one child, it is much easier! My goal is still the same though, to keep harmony in the home. To quote the Dali Lama, "To deal with our problems, we need to be practical and realistic. If we are to be realistic, we need to use our human intelligence properly, which means we need a calm mind." There is room for disagreement, never yelling. To be decent to each other and respectful keeps the peace and fosters happiness. This is not always easy. When conflict arises, as it eventually does, with more emotionally-based and emotionally-reacting (adult) personalities it is actually very hard. It took me almost a quarter of a decade to internalize these ideas into behavior with adjustments ongoing. I love that the Dali Lama can communicate such complex mechanisms and truths so simply and poetically, over my morning coffee.

Funny things my kid says

This is going to be an ongoing list. Feel free to add to it in the comments section as we all know your kids say funny stuff too!

As I was lecturing him to finish eating in one sitting, that he could not get up and down multiple times.....he responded "okay great lunch master!"

After listening to Derek and I over Saturday breakfast,"I don't want a superPAC. Nancy Pelosi!"

Mumbling to himself this morning, "They thought we were peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but we weren't! The giants are eating my sandwich I think....there are no giants in the world. (sigh) Giants are coming out from the 'lectrical switch. (going back to his sandwich) I feel their spit! My life is changing. Dinosaurs and giants only live in fairy tales though...." I only caught a bit of this ramble as I was typing right now in fact. As my kid is quite a talker (to himself and others), my material is almost limitless.

Tis the season for, wait another party???

Two work parties, three family parties, a fire-bound solstice celebration with friends, and a Mancakes adventure. I think I am partied out for the duration. Now I just want a cup of tea, a good book, and about 5 inches of snow to play in. Too much to ask for? Oh well. I loved seeing all of the people, had fun with the imbibing, gained a few pounds with the chocolate, then lost it with the stomach flu on New Years. I think a quiet January is what's needed. So thanks for all the gifts everyone! See you in February!!!